I like to believe that there are broadly two kinds of people on this earth. Idealist and realist. I have known for long that I am of the former type and even today this mindset of mine dictates my decisions today. Of course, somewhere within me there does lie a realist and is always finding opportunities to scorn me. He is like: “This is never going to work out. You better take the tried and tested way. All your dreams are childish and come straight out of some cartoon series.” Yes. I find this very disparaging and disappointing some times, but then may be it is true. There have been some cartoon series which have particularly had a major impact on me. I don’t watch them just as source of entertainment and I like to believe that they have taught me a great many things.
When we are young, almost all of us harbor some fantastical idea, may be even something bordering crazy. This one time me and my friends were discussing about constructing a scouter. Now, I don’t expect anyone to know what that is. It is a fictional equipment used in one of my favourite series to detect power level of an opponent. I agree it was crazy but it was fun. But slowly, I drifted towards the more intangible ideas like the “purpose of my life”.
Honestly, just look around. So many of us are tangled in our small and self created complex world. I have always felt that I should do something else. Something, something…. that takes me somewhere. Sorry, I know I am not making any sense now. But, the thing is, 20-30 years down the line, if I look back and ask myself what has been my achievement on this earth, will I find any answer at all. I have no way to know. It is often said that (or was it some movie?) the things you remember the most when you are old are the ones which were most mundane. May be. But I am not ready for mundane yet.
What I find the most exciting but somewhat unsettling thing about life is the notion of uncertainty. Of course, when you start earning and are looking to settle down, it is natural for anyone to want a pretty high degree of certainty. In case of many people, I think they have to settle with that irrespective of whether they desire it or not. In my case, I confess I find it extremely scary sometimes but I think deep down I also enjoy it. Whats the point if you know how your life is going to turn out? I am not a fan of this idea. I want to explore, I want to fight and I want to live.